I misplaced my Out Of The Blue book. Oh well ... that was a great one, it talks so much about delighting your self in life. How to go to the path of delight, and so on. Just the kind of book I need to read, I guess.

I was asking this question to Judges, about whether it is wrong to miss someone who might not have the same feelings for me. And he said that it was a gift, and it's not a wrong thing nor a stupid one. Then I questioned bout how can that be a gift? Coz common people will think of it as a curse, I mean ... hey!! You miss someone who just doesn't miss you back!! it's an unfair situation. And some people just dont wanna be rule by a foolish feelings like that.
And his answer pause me for a moment. He said that, not every one can feel what I feel. Coz most of 'em just let feelings of anger, bitter and self-centered control their mind, soul and heart. But what I feel is pure & sincere. Even though the one that I miss, doesn't feel the same way.

Then I wonder, do I really still have that gift? The gift of being sincere to others, even if they dont reply it back to me? I thought that 'thing' had leaved me long time ago. Coz since what happened, I dont believe in sincerity anymore. It's useless, it's provoking, it's a nuclear time bomb.

I thought I wont let my heart get hurt in the same place over and over again. I dont wanna be a stupid girl, who everybody can play around, toss it around, and when they got bored and tired, they just move on to a new toy.

But can it still be there? That gift? Is it really a gift? Then why cant it makes me happy? Why does it keep on hurting me back? Is GIFT an actual word and meaning for it?

Is it really state, who I really am?